A Writer For A Day...

At one point in my life I had aspired to be a writer and even attempted to be one. When one of the leading broadcasting network in the Philippines announced on air that they are looking for writers who would be writing for a telenovela (soap opera), I thought maybe I could give it a try. 

Now, I don't have any experience whatsoever at being a writer and I never wrote in Filipino as well. The most that I did were crappy short stories, poems and essays in high school. But what's good about this invitation was it was open to everyone in the Philippines, regardless if you had a background in writing or not or whether you're a professional or just someone who felt like writing something. So for hopeless cases like me who thought there was no way we could get into that writing world, this is our only chance. 

On the day of the application, I made sure that I went to the place early. Office hours starts at 8am in the Philippines and I went there an hour before just so I can be the first in line. My sister and her then boyfriend accompanied me to the place as I wasn't familiar with the area. Imagine my dismay when I saw a very long queue when I finally arrived. And I'm not even nowhere near the building. I was about two or three blocks away! From what I heard, some of the applicants went there the night before and slept on the sidewalk so they could be there the earliest possible. I had an idea that there would be a lot of aspirants, but I didn't realise it would be this many. But then I thought I was already there and so decided to proceed. My sister and her boyfriend kept me company but when lunch time arrived they went to the nearest mall to get some food. They brought me lunch so I won't have to lose my place in line. 

I think I must have wasted half of my life waiting to get near the door. I told myself that if at 5pm, I still can't make it, I might as well forget it. By 4pm I was able to register. We were accompanied to the registration area by one of the volunteers from the network. I saw familiar faces I see on TV which kind of perked me up a bit. I also saw other hopefuls like me, from young ones to elderly, professionals and some people who probably just took the wrong turn in the street. I even saw a nun.

They gave us a couple of long bond paper, a pen and the instructions as well as the topics we can choose to write. The topics were from the usual stuff like father and son reunited after a long time, a suicidal person, a crazy man walking on the street to idiotic stuff like a person dancing ocho-ocho, a stupid dance popularised by Sex Bomb Dancers that send all the masses crazy because of its funny and erotic nature. Of course, I thought,  I'd be writing a drama series so I might as well write something along that line. So I chose the topic where the father and son got reunited for a long time. If I am not mistaken, we were required to write a maximum of 1,000 words. We were given an hour to finish our story.

Now in writing, especially when there is limited time, here's my process. I think of a topic and the general plot. I start from the introduction then the final paragraph. And then work my way in between. After 10 or 15 minutes of thinking I started to write frantically. I have the general stuff organised, I just need to write the words. Halfway down my story, one of the senior writers from that television network came in and ask how we are doing. He must have been famous cause some people seem to recognise him, or at least his name. He walked back and forth the room and then suddenly started to give advices. Blah...blah...blah... But what's ridiculous was when he said that  if we use ALL the topics listed, we would have a greater chance of being qualified.

I looked at my stuff. I was halfway through my story. If I wrote the whole thing with only one topic, even if I put my heart and soul into it, I won't have a chance. Is that what he's saying? I looked around. There are thousands of people aspiring the same thing as I do. What would make mine stand out? I guess the pressure had taken the better of me and started incorporating topics which was not originally in my plot. It got worse and worse to the point of being ridiculous. And I'm starting to get frustrated and furious. I waited the whole day under the heat of the sun in the streets just to get in and be cramped along with lots of other people in a hot and humid room only to get my time wasted. I'm not even satisfied with the story I am writing. I just want to freak out and shout inside the room.

Then, at that point, with a sudden stroke of genius and a tinge of revenge, I tore the first piece of paper I wrote on. The other one left was already half full of writing which I marked X and then started writing at the back of the paper. I wanted my entry really short, simple and direct to the point. I wanted to make sure I use all the topics as the writer suggested. And I want to make it dramatic and emotional. It goes something similar to this:

 (The original was written in Filipino but I had to write in English for the sympathy of all who would be reading this in DA):

          'I walked in this room hopeful but now starts to shake my head. I don't know what kind of madness I had gotten into my brain to allow myself to be trapped in a situation like this.

          'I don't want to write anything about:' (and then here I started to enumerate all the topics in the order that was written from the instructions). 'I mean who gives a f**k about these s**t?

          'If I ever stay a single minute more in this hot humid room full of sweaty smell, I might throw into a fit, run amok and punch someone in the face, better if he happens to be the organiser of this stupid event.I should go now.'

With a wide a grin I submitted my paper and gave it to the lady at the desk. We were ushered to an atrium for the interview which lasted only a short while, thank goodness. I only went to the interview anyway cause I don't know where to find the exit. I was just eager to go home.

When my company joined me after I got out of the building they asked how it was. I then began with a series of complaints and all my aggravations then finished it all up by telling them how I ruined my chances of ever becoming a bonafide writer.

A few months later, the network called inviting me to be a writer in a comedy series....